Lots to catch up on!

It's been too long since I have sat down and typed here! So much has changed over the past few months that I could sit and type for hours!

Chloe is almost 5 now and we have so much fun with her watching her grow and learn! She is such a great joy!  BJ and I celebrated 8 wonderful years of marriage together this year and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful man to share my life with.

We have been wanting another baby for some time now and have been "not preventing" since the first of the year. I know that doesn't seem like a long time but when you want something so badly that it consumes your thoughts...it can be long!

In October I got really "real" with God and told Him quite frankly that if He wasn't going to fulfill my desire of another child any time soon then for Him to please remove the desire from my heart because the monthly disappointment was just becoming too much for me. He answered by sending me a message at Ladies Agape, a women's conference that is held every year at Russellville Christian Center. 

I was contacted a couple days before the conference by one of the speakers and was asked it I was going to be able to attend on the night that she was speaking. I told her that I didn't think I could make it that night but had planned to attend the following night. She urged me to be in prayer to come because the Lord had shared with her a special message for me. She had no idea that I would go that morning to my doctor to be told that the pain that I had been having in my uterus could not be helped except but to remove the uterus or go back on birth control pills...both of which kinda put a damper on having another baby!!! :) But as I had walked out of the doctor's office I was still holding on to my faith that I served a healing God and that I would be healed completely! So I made the decision to go that night to hear Cami Cantu speak and to receive whatever it was that God had for me!

You see...it's all about expecting! That's part of having faith! You have to expect something to happen! And as I walked into the church that night...my heart was full of hope and excitement! I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was going to walk out of that church later that night, healed and changed! 

The message was on Hannah and how she pleaded with God to give her a child! WOW...that was so ME!!! As the story goes, Hannah was granted her request and she in turn gave her first child, Samuel, back to God at the age of 3 and Samuel was greatly used by God in his life.

Cami then called anyone who was a "Hannah" to go to the front for prayer. And it didn't have to be just for children, but for anything that you were asking God for! She then singled me and another young woman (who was having trouble conceiving) out to the front to be ministered to.  Here it was...the Word from the Lord that I had been waiting for! I was so excited! I was crying so much at this point that I couldn't stop. I was sad...I was broken...I was expecting...I was ready for a change. The Lord then spoke through her to me and NAILED IT! I mean...everything from the conversation we had had...to the doctor's appointment...to the wonder of why I had a beautiful daughter and couldn't seem to have another when I wanted it so badly! Cami spoke directly to the problems in my uterus and I instantly felt a shift in my body and for the first time in months...no pain! I was healed! I accepted my healing and vowed that I would hold on to it and not let it go! She also told me that I would have my baby boy that I so longed for and that it would be soon! There was much more but I haven't had time to process it all and listen to the CD again.

I left there with a great sense of hope and faith in my Lord. Not to say that I didn't have it before, but I had the confirmation that I so needed to push forward!

So the way it worked out...I would find out that I was pregnant on Thanksgiving Day if my body followed its normal pattern. How excited I was to know that in just a few short weeks I would be pregnant and on my way to carrying such a blessed child. My heart was overjoyed!! I could hardly wait for Thanksgiving to get here!

On Thursday, November 17th, I woke to sharp pain in my uterus and right side. I brushed it off and tried to fall back asleep. BJ left to go hunting and when I got up about 6:30 to get around for work...I could barely walk through my house the pain was so bad. I called my mom and dad who prayed with me and then my sister. I was throwing up from the pain at this point so I called BJ to come home and then to my dad to come get Chloe to take her to school. At this point I didn't know what to think of the pain. I could find some relief by laying in a fetal position on my bed and just weep! It was pain like I had never felt in my life.  I managed to get Chloe's hair put up and dad took her to school. BJ helped me get dressed and we were off to Russellville. 

I was hurting so bad at this point that I was loopy. I was pleading with God to help me with this pain, to relieve it, to ease it up...ANYTHING! Once we reached Dardanelle, the pain had begun to ease up.  We arrived at St. Mary's Emergency Room at about 8:30 and I was quickly shown a room. 

The nurses were so good to me! They took my blood, vitals...all that good stuff and hooked me up to an iv.  I finally got to see the doctor who told me that I was pregnant. My heart was overjoyed...but my body was still screaming at me in pain!  They gave me some medicine for both the nauseousness and the intense pain.  They then did an ultrasound and it reveled a 7mm (about the size of a baseball) blood mass on my right side by my ovary. My doctor was called in and he came in the room to tell me that I was going to need surgery. Wow...not what I had expected to hear! The mass was one of two things...a cyst that in early pregnancy produces hormones before the pregnancy takes over and does it or it was a tubal pregnancy. As soon as Dr. Escue said that...I said, "But it's not that...it's just the cyst." He in turn said that he was believing with me for that result but had to inform me of all of the possibilities. 

I was still holding tight to my promises that God had given me. I wasn't going to give up hope in the face of fear! Surgery would take about an hour and they would start in about 15 minutes.  I told BJ that he needed to get something to eat while I was in there and we kissed and the wheeled me back to pre-op.  I had a wonderful staff of nurses in pre-op but the biggest blessing was yet to come. While in the operating room, I was blessed with a precious nurse by the name of Brenda Randalls. She grabbed my hand and asked if I would like her to pray. I said yes and she bent down and whispered the sweetest, calming prayer in my ear and then wiped my tears and kissed my cheek. Just like my momma would have done. She can't begin to know how much that meant to me during that time. After that...I was out!

The surgery took about 2 hours and when I got back to the room I saw my sweet husband waiting for me. I asked him what they had to do and although they told me in the operating room...I don't remember! He told me that my tube had to be removed because it had ruptured. I asked about the baby and we cried for a bit, but being the strong man that he is, he turned it around quickly and told me that everything was going to be ok and that Dr. Escue said that pregnancy from now on would be much easier for us. Because my right tube had been bad for a while evidently and that could have been what was keeping us from conceiving. I was encouraged, but sad...

We left the hospital at a little after 4 that afternoon and I went home to bed. I was exhausted but wasn't in a lot of pain. The recovery wasn't too bad and I am pretty much back to normal.

I tell you all of this because I am determined to give God all the glory in this whole situation! I believe that God blessed me with a child and that it was stolen from me by Satan. God didn't plan for me to go through this hurt and pain (both physical and emotional.) But instead...God takes what Satan tries to destroy and turns it around for my good and I believe that I will be overwhelmingly blessed with the child that I will soon carry. I hold tight to His promises! I will not waiver. My faith will not waiver and my hope will remain steadfast! I am so very thankful for my strong faith! That I don't blame God for what unexpected things have happened but yet, look to Him to turn things into blessings! Through our trials we gain more faith if our faith is used! It grows with each trial we overcome! I am so excited for what is to come for me and my family!

I will try to do better at posting as all of this unfolds! Thanks to all of you who have been in prayer for me and believing with me! Much love!!! Please remember to hold on to the promises of the Lord! And even when Satan steals things from your grasp...look to the Lord for strength and greater blessings!